Classical Music for Dummies

Seeing as to how most people these days are stumped, unaware and/or confused with the world of classical music, I have compiled a little list of things you should know and can pick up on the fly.


Overture
The opening movement of a musical work (usually an opera, but not necessarily so); attendance is entirely optional for the audience since most will be late and the performers need a bit of warm up anyway.

Intermission
The break about halfway through the whole performance; This is the part of the evening where every member of the audience makes his/her most vital decision to either:

• go to the loo
  
• buy flowers (for fantastic performances)
• buy rotten eggs and vegetables (if a refund for the ticket cannot be made)
• go home (if you hate the show and can't be bothered to spend any more money; may use the loo first and make your sour opinions visually known on the cubicle walls)

Bartok
True to his namesake, this Hungarian composer was (in)famous for mooning the crowd after performances and drawing the unwanted attention of rich homosexual males in the audience. The writer of the Moonlight Sonata (not Beethoven as commonly believed), which today is featured prominently in raunchy male strip joints.

Chopin
Famous composer noted for his expansive piano works. Works afterwards which require a choppy staccato-ish playing style were named after him.

Beethoven
Great musician from the Romantic era. Wrote his best music when he became deaf. Should be noted that his works get louder (gee, who would have guessed?). Hairdo was the inspiration for Albert Einstein's centuries later.

Verdi
His name is synonymous with opera. Most sopranos end up having affairs with him.

Puccini
Also one of the opera greats. Caution should be exercised when pronouncing his name which is Poo-chee-nee and not Poo-see-nee; the latter is a common source of embarrassment to Ah Bengs and Ah Lians pretending to know opera.

Debussy
Prominent French composer who lived between the romantic and 20th century eras of music. Again, he has a tricky name (watch out for the B and pronounce it properly) which can lead to another faux pas.

Stravinsky
Russian who loves writing violent music. He caused a riot in the premiere of his The Rite of Spring due to its violent themes.

Tchaikovsky
Another Rusky. Being gay, he understandably wrote a lot of ballet and The Nutcracker Suite.

Fantasia Impromptu
Famous piece by Chopin. The performer must be someone who has never seen or heard the piece before (hence impromptu) and thus makes it almost a fantasy if the player pulls it off right.


Having mastered this, you are now in good stead whenever this subject pops up and you may just pass off as an avid classical aficionado!




Disclaimer: I assume no responsibility for stuffed up music exams and the horrified looks of true music lovers as a result of this post. However, I claim full credit for anything positive that comes out of this. =)

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